Glitchtown

Writing this here coz I would like to keep these memories forever – the great, the good and the not so amazing. I will definitely forget these details if it’s not written and what better place than my own little space here to document it 🙂

I am over half way through my second pregnancy and 1.5 months late writing this but it’s ok. We found out I was pregnant on 04-MAY-2023, a day after my birthday and a day before our flight to Kota Kinabalu. Let’s not rehash that and the fact that I still have not sold my credit note for the climb I had to miss. Let me leave a screenshot of the details here in case you missed that IG story and are interested ❤

Anyways, my first trimester went exactly like it did when I was pregnant with Freya. The only difference is, I did not vomit everyday like I did in the first pregnancy. I managed to keep most of my food in. The headaches, nausea and vertigo though were just as intense.

I am so much more relaxed this pregnancy. I ate food that I die hard did not want to touch at all during my first pregnancy like sushi, cheeses and panadol when my head is literally splitting. By sushi I didn’t mean anything raw like sashimi. More like california rolls and tempura prawns and we are fine so far Alhamdulillah. I didn’t even think twice this time round. I eat what makes me happy within reason of course. I also already have a toddler with me so my mind and energy are already split from the get go.

Mentally, I enjoy this pregnancy a lot more. I’m less anxious coz I google less and it’s just been more relaxing overall. Physically though… MasyaAllah, it’s more challenging. One, my morning sickness has not fully passed. With Freya, it ended on Week 17 and that was it. This time round, the nausea comes and goes and I noticed it’s especially intense when I’m exhausted. Then there is also the pelvic girdle pain I experienced. It’s not as bad now as I’ve seen the physiotherapist a few times and do all the exercises she asked me to do that has helped me a lot.

Life is also so much more hectic this time. We are no longer on lockdown and I am working on a few personal projects that require soooo much of my time, attention, focus and energy. I have Freya now to take care of and I’m also still working. So much is happening all at once and I feel like most of it is me pressuring myself to get them done.

I know how intense it is having a newborn and now with Freya in the picture on top of it. So while my 2nd child is still inside me, I need to get as much done as possible and that window is closing in very quickly! It wouldn’t be for a while before I become “useful” again. It’s not like I can give birth and go back to normal routine the following month. I won’t do that to myself. I need this body to recover properly coz I will have this body for the rest of my life so it deserves every bit of love and care I could give. It’s not even an option.

Met the obstetrician few weeks ago after my 2nd trimester morphology scan and apparently I only have 50% chance of a normal birth. He explained all the risks for VBAC and another c-section. Or an attempt for a VBAC and also think about the possibility of it ending in another emergency c-section.

They did a vaginal scan and I could see all the scar tissue from my previous c-section and a part of me wants to try for VBAC but another part also would rather just go for an elective (planned) c-section. An emergency c-section is so much harder on your body than a planned one. With Freya’s birth, I was already exhausted and destroyed from 16hrs of active labour and I was 8cm dilated for 3 hours and was SO close to pushing only to end up with an epidural for a caesarean. So now I’m on the fence, not sure what I want to do. If it’s worth pushing for a normal birth considering how physically unfit I am this time round. I was a hard core fitness person with Freya and now I still exercise but I’m not anywhere near as fit as I was. I had all the time in the world to exercise multiple times a day and actually rest whenever I WANT to. I don’t have that luxury now.

It all sounds like an excuse but it really is the situation right now and as much as I want to be positive about it all, I also need to be realistic. If it’s worth attempting a VBAC at all considering how close this birth will be since the last one. I think I would be more confident if the gap is 3-4 years.

So there’s that. Now, let’s talk about baby’s movements. I’ve mentioned on my Instagram that we are not finding out the gender again this time and literally everyone that has guessed said it’s a boy. Not a single one has said it is a girl just based on the shape of my belly. Apparently, I put on more weight with Freya and I agree and they also said that with girls, you grow sideways instead of forward haha. But don’t forget, I am also older and a million times more tired than before. My face, thighs and arms did not gain any extra meat – they are exactly the same.

In saying all that though, MasyaAllah, Alhamdulillah, this baby gives amazing kicks. With Freya, the movement is more like stretches and glides. This baby on the other hand, KICKS. I actually have a sore abdomen which I never had with Freya. It feels like a muscle ache, like your body just hit something and it’s sore after. Feels exactly like that. So, could it be a boy? Yes. But could it also be a girl? Also yes. HAHA.

As long as the baby and myself are healthy, that is all that matters Alhamdulillah. I should also mention that the size of my bump is so much bigger than before. But apparently, that’s just how it is. Everything is extra extra with subsequent pregnancies.

So that is all I can think of for now relating to this pregnancy. I don’t know when I will have the time to blog again. Hopefully before labour so I don’t forget the 2nd half of this pregnancy.

I am hoping and praying for a smoother and easier delivery this time, InsyaAllah.