Glitchtown

Hello World,

It’s been a very long while since I last wrote anything on this space and I’ve missed it.

Freya is napping at the moment and I was about to prepare dinner and zoned out in my kitchen thinking about how my life isn’t here nor there at the moment – in terms of all the things I would like to do. I just wish we could achieve multiple things at once. Working on what I have always planned and be a present parent at the same time. I am grateful for everything and I guess I am just too greedy for wanting more. If I had to choose between my career, doing what I love vs nurturing and raising my kids, I would always choose the latter purely for the weight of responsibility.

Any free time I have (which isn’t much), I find myself researching or reading about babies and kids development because they are always growing and I need to be in the know and it’s one of the ways I learn to be a patient mom. By learning where they are developmentally and how I can support their growth. So, having that understanding has helped my sanity immensely and where to place my expectations.

On the other side of things, however, my goals are constantly being pushed back because it also requires a lot, a hell lot of thinking, time and effort that I barely have these days. I told myself, that these are just excuses that my head is making up and when I push myself to a point of exhaustion, I breakdown and fail in both. I lost control of my emotions, I scream a lot at my child and I am no where near done with my to-do list. It’s just that vicious cycle that I can’t seem to find a balance yet on top of keeping the house running with chores and also working.

Sometimes I feel like it would make a HUGE difference to have a bit more help around the house because as mundane and as mind numbing as it is, it is something that needs to be done. We have decided to move to Melbourne almost a decade ago, away from families and we only feel the impact now that we have kids. Moving back has crossed our minds but at the same time, there are so much opportunities here and we felt like we are not done with this city yet. I just need more time and more energy.

Our lives have changed SO much in the last 3 years and continue to change. As many of you probably know that I am pregnant with my 2nd baby now. Alhamdulillah for this beautiful gift from God. I am exactly where I want to be family-wise but not quite there personally. Life is going to be more challenging when the 2nd one comes around and who knows what I can do or will be doing then.

One thing I am sure of, we will get through it one way or another. God has been so kind and merciful to us by giving such incredible strength that only comes with having kids and we pull through every time. Even when life decides to push us harder, I know somehow, we’ll make it work InsyaAllah.

I keep telling myself that this is the season we are in and it’s ok to feel all the emotions. Contradicting ones even and that there will be a time where we can do everything our hearts desire again. I am equally excited and petrified for the future and that is always the case with uncertainties, isn’t it? Where is the fun when life is predictable, right? And what is faith if we know what’s to come?