Glitchtown

What actually happened?

and I still have a blog? Well, hello again.

I am currently writing in 2023 and trying to recall what happened last year. Feels so long ago.

I turned 30, my baby turned 1, my husband well… coming up to his mid 30s and life is superb! (for the most part)…. or not….. Or it is… I don’t know.

It was the year of hard grind. I went back to work part-time, but with a baby, it felt like full-time and more! I didn’t know what I wanted but I knew I had to work to protect my sanity, but still be at home most days with Freya. Work has been incredibly supportive and understanding to allow me working from home most days and the one day I’m at the office, Hubs works at home. We are really grateful and appreciative. It takes the weight off our shoulders.

Childcare is not an option for us for many many reasons. We have thought about it again and again and again. We kept going back and forth and finally decided that we are not doing it and it’s not going up for discussions anymore. I don’t want to work full-time but I don’t think my sanity would allow me to become a full-time housewife either. When push comes to shove, we’ll revisit that option again but for now, we are comfortable with the way things are. I am totally in awe of full-time at home moms. It takes incredible amount of patience, resilience and endurance to be with your kids every minute of the day.

I don’t think my weak butt could survive that. Work allows me to take my mind of the mundane routine and vice versa but the guilt working full-time would also kill me. Whichever way you choose is going to be tough. That’s why parenting is so freaking difficult. It’s the wildest job anyone could take on coz it lasts a lifetime and irreversible. Not like I would change anything but still. Can’t ignore the fact that it is insanely challenging.

2022 was the year of continuous learning about parenting, learning more about myself as a mother and my role as a wife amongst the many things that are happening. Finding that balance whilst keeping all aspects of our lives from collapsing.

It’s true what they say that life does get easier as parents. When you are in the thick of it, it’s difficult to think clearly and the tough days and nights felt infinite. Alhamdulillah for us, life got easier after Freya turned 1. She is magically more independent, smarter, fun to be around and we got more sleep. Better rest means that we can think rationally and involve less emotions and these all started happening only towards the end of 2022.

We went on our first “big” holiday as a family and that was a learning curve for the 3 of us. We are more efficient and just better.

So, 2023, my hopes are still the same as last year and that is to have more ease and compassion from me to me. To be patient with the process in getting where we want to be. To continue to find that balance and joy in little things. I am not going to lie, we still think it’s extremely hard, almost impossible to even go on a date outside, just two of us, like old times this year.

It is undoubtedly going to be another relentless year and we hope that we find strength in each other, improve our relationship with God and have better life vision.

But like they say, if you want an easy life where you don’t have to work for anything at all, you will have to die first and be in paradise (provided you are guaranteed a place). Coz this world ain’t it but we can always try to make it as painless as possible. Someone told me that having a good and strong mindset is the only way to get through. I am still very much working on it.

I pray we have an impactful, productive, and above all, wonderful and lovely 2023.